Girl Scout edades

En Girl Scouts, las niñas siempre están contando hasta la próxima aventura que van a explorar juntas. Quizás sea algo artístico o tal vez sea realizar un experimento, salir afuera o ayudar a la comunidad. Con nosotros, las posibilidades son infinitas. Juntas, descubriremos que eres capaz de hacer más de lo que siempre has imaginado. Money Activities Girl Scout Activities Learning Activities Daisy Girl Scouts Girl Scout Troop Cub Scouts Learning Money Enchanted Learning Money Worksheets. ... Los juegos cual encontrarávertisements aquí kid apropiados para niñoperating-system signifiant todas las edades. Algunos daughter sencillos para entretener some sort of shedd ... Una Girl Scout sabe que se está divirtiendo, pero usted sabrá que también está adquiriendo: Importantes habilidades de educación financiera mientras participa en el negocio más grande dirigido por niñas en el mundo: el Girl Scout Cookie Program (Programa de Galletas Girl Scouts) Por más de 100 años, Girl Scouts ha proveído a niñas, edades 5-17, con más maneras de aprender y ser líderes que cualquier otra organización. Niñas de todas las edades y habilidades, de cada código postal están desarrollando los valores y las habilidades necesarias para vivir sus vidas mejores. Edades Sección Scouts Sección Guías; 7 a 10: Lobato (Cub Scout): Guía Brownie: 11 to 17: Scout: Guía (Girl Guide o Girl Scout) 18 and up: Rover Scout: Ranger Guide 2020-jun-06 - Utforska Samir Tawaifis anslagstavla 'Girl scouts' på Pinterest. Visa fler idéer om Scouting, Julhantverk, Knopar. By Sandra. E. Angulo-Duncan. In the year of 1912 in Savannah, GA was created the first troop of the Girl Scouts. Today, one hundred years later there are in United States two million three hundred girls committed to create a good present and build a better future. Cómo convertirse en una Girl Scout Las Girl Scouts ha sido una organización sin fines de lucro dedicada a la influyente niñas y mujeres desde 1912. Esta institución cuenta con una concentración en el desarrollo centrado niña a cultivar habilidades para el mundo real. Independientement Girl Scouts es un programa para niñas en los grados K-12, donde enseñamos a desarrollar habilidades que duraran toda la vida. Nuestra misión es ayudar a las niñas a desarrollar el valor, la confianza en sí mismas y los principios, para poder hacer de este mundo un mejor lugar. Nuestro Girl Scout Leadership Experience es un programa único de desarrollo de liderazgo para niñas, con resultados probados. Se basa en métodos comprobados con el tiempo y programas de investigación respaldados que ayudan a las niñas a tomar la iniciativa en sus propias vidas y en el mundo. Girl Scouts a demostrado ayudar a las niñas a

My grandma

2020.08.07 01:53 tummmyfungus My grandma

This is my first post but I really need to talk about this, I feel like I have nobody and I’m going crazy.
I live with my edad and my ngrandmother. My edad is practically a man child, doesn’t know how to clean, never had a stable job, and has 8 children with 5 coming from different moms. I’ve lived in at least 6 different states throughout my childhood because he ups and leaves with no apparent reason. (I remember as a child being so fcking heartbroken when I had to leave the social life I’d built up AGAIN. And at one point learned how moving so much was negatively affecting how well I did in school) My ngrandma is a widow, my grandfather was murdered when I was a toddler, I don’t know much at all about my ngrandma because we’ve never been close. I know she didn’t do well growing up and didn’t really have a stable job throughout her life either. All I really know is she used to be a big hippy but is now the most bitter rotten soul I’ve had to deal with in my life and she smokes like a damn train.
After my parents divorced as a kid we moved in with my ngrandma. She definitely picked favorites, my little sister has been on a pedestal her whole life. We’re still super close and I don’t hold it against her, she’s kind of my only safe place living here since we can talk about our experiences with her together. But after moving in with ngrandma I felt like I didn’t matter to anyone, I’d always be sent outside and I’d walk around the town with my siblings and we’d go exploring all day.
I never really bonded with my edad or ngrandma, I don’t know why. Being jealous of everyone at school who had their supportive/loving parents was the worst feeling ever. There was so much I wanted to do growing up (volleyball, girl scouts, etc.) but moving schools/being told no took down so many opportunities for me it felt like. She’s on multiple occasions thrown away my stuff after each move to another state, or if my room wasn’t up to her standards of clean/organized or if she felt like there was no use for things that were mine. Even if I did use/need it.
On the days that they decided to drive me to/from school they would smoke cigarettes in the car sometimes with the window rolled up. I’d get asked if I smoke in ELEMENTARY. Around 4th/5th grade I started getting sick every single morning for years, I’d throw up stomach acid in the same spot on the way to school. I wanted it to stop so bad but I never got help, I eventually stopped after I graduated high school.
I’d ask questions (as a small kid) about life and try to talk to my dad/grandma and it always ended with something like, “Sshh, I’m watching my show,” And I remember hearing that for the majority of my childhood.
So much effort had been put into me trying to impress and get my dads/grandmas attention. I used to work so hard to keep things the way they wanted but they always found some reason to tell me I’ve inconvenienced them. They’ve pestered me about not cleaning enough my entire life even if I’d spent all day scrubbing and cleaning. Later in life my friends would make Cinderella jokes about me.
My efather and ngma did always have occasional arguments where they’d both threaten to end themselves and/or move out, grandma would usually throw stuff across the room and one time even put her hands on us as kids. I remember one time she ripped open a full garbage bag and threw it across the entire living room while foaming at the mouth about ‘how little gets done around the house.’ Another time she’d taken a big picture frame from the wall and frisbeed it at my little sister who wasn’t even 10 at the time. So much more happened but a lot of my memories seem like a blur.
There’s never something she doesn’t complain about if I’m around her, it’s to a point where I’ve realized she’s just trying to get a reaction out of me. I’ll bust my ass to clean the entire house so that she’ll be proud of me and all it does is aggravate her, she’ll start moving stuff around and tell me I didn’t do anything right or she’ll tell me she didn’t notice anything different although it’s obviously much cleaner.
As a kid, I genuinely felt like I was just existing around them and they fed me to get me out of their hair. They’ve always had this way about them that makes me feel like a total joke, I’ve been burnt out for so long that it’s becoming startling to me.
At one point in my life this shit started where when yelling starts my body goes numb and I feel like I can’t hear or process anything, I just completely zone out and I just stop existing in my head. I don’t know what it is but I know I have insane anxiety and PTSD from a really bad relationship as a middle schooler, also gastritis hence why I was getting sick every morning until I graduated (I have a new diet and take acid reducers to help now.) But if I close my eyes washing my face or in the shower I flinch, I really hate loud noises, and anything being slammed even on accident makes me start shaking.
Anyway, ngrandmother will wait until a ton of my sisters friends are around and tell everyone that I don’t have my license or a job yet at 19 although I’ve tried to get them to let me start my life. She’s thrown all of my clean laundry out of the dryer into the toilet for a reason I don’t even remember anymore. She leaves rotten rude notes for me around the house, this last one she left me after I cleaned the bathroom was, “Stop it, I’m not dead yet,” after she rearranged more stuff. Nothing I ever do is to bother her, I don’t know why she reacts so negatively to me. I’ve never once heard a “good job,” or “I’m proud of you,” come from this woman.
I feel like I shouldn’t have grown up wondering why my edad and ngrandma don’t love me, my older brother left as soon as he graduated and doesn’t talk to anybody in the family. As if it didn’t get any better my mother’s side is just as bad if not worse, my parents broke up because my mom got physically abusive after becoming an alcoholic who’s never had a job even once. I don’t really know my mom at all after all these years, she seems like a weird, toxic acquaintance.
I have so many goals I want to achieve in my life and I feel like I have such a late start. I’ve sold my stuff and flipped other items my whole life to get money, and I really want to have my own business one day. There’s so much more that I probably didn’t mention but my brain feels so scrambled and useless nowadays.
submitted by tummmyfungus to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2019.10.15 21:11 tracelessVagabouncer After I'm NC, I want to do good

Throw-away account and mobile, fair warning that this might get lengthy. Thanks in advance if you read all this.
A good portion of my life has been centered around Girl Scouts - my NMom is a leader, as was her mother before her. I've been a member since I was 5, and had sat in on my older sister's troop for years prior. Even my birth has always been framed in conversation by NMom missing the troop's ski-fitting appointment to have me.
To her, it's been a given that I'll eventually take up the mantle and lead my own troop one day. (No way was my ACoN sis ever gonna do that - on bad days, I sometimes think that I had to be either a mistake or a do-over of their "defective" teen) She taught me how to guide my peers and help them grow, but also how to subtly manipulate them to a certain direction. She was training me to be a monster, a duplicate of herself. I did a lot of things back then that got the people I love hurt - things that she still does.
Things that I still do, if I'm not careful.
I (17F) don't want to do those things in the future; my sis (30F) has helped me out a lot, teaching me how to communicate with myself and others. It's a slow process, but I've been able to catch myself and put out the sparks before any bridges can burn. I can't go NC with NMom and EDad just yet, (hooray for being a minor) but I can recognize when they try to influence me with their rhetoric. I'm growing up.
That being said, there's a teensy little problem that I have to face - when I do grow up, I want to be a teacher. This particular goal hasn't been disclosed to friends or family irl, and as far as they know my career is going to be in theatre (read into that what you will.) Teachers were my parental figures throughout childhood, the only adults I could latch onto for something resembling support and acceptance. I want return that kindness tenfold to the world, and teaching is a conduit for such a feat that I already have the groundwork for.
Ay, there's the rub: that groundwork was laid by my NMom, and is forever connected to the fleas I have so desperately tried to exterminate. Making others happy brings me more joy than anything else, but I don't want to do that if I'm going to end up hurting them. There's still time between now and my post-college adulthood, but I don't want to waste it by going into a field that I can't navigate without running into narc tendencies.
So, are there any teachers on this sub? Can you tell me how you help without harming? I'll take all the advice you can give me.
Thank you in advance.
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2019.08.28 01:28 RadfemXX__ Un experimento radical lésbico para el próximo siglo: 5 cosas para trabajar en lugar del matrimonio entre personas del mismo sexo - Betsy Brown 2000

Era 1965. Estaba en cuarto grado en Filadelfia. Mi maestra le pidió a la clase que escribiera sobre cómo sería la vida en el año 2000. No recuerdo lo que escribí. Pero sí recuerdo que el cambio de siglo parecía muy lejano, y que no podía imaginar cómo sería tener 43 años. No encajaba en el mundo en el que vivía, y no podía imaginarme encajar en el mundo del futuro.
Mientras estaba sentada en ese salón de clases, supongo que me parecía a cualquier chica blanca normal de clase media, aunque mi cabello era más corto. Pero mi vida era bastante extraña. Mi padre había muerto antes de que yo tuviera la edad suficiente para recordarlo, y mi hermana mayor había muerto cuando yo tenía ocho años. Mi madre era una científica civil para el ejército. Todo esto era extraño, pero lo más extraño era que no quería ser una niña y no quería crecer para ser mujer.
No quería ser débil, estúpida y controlada por los hombres. Claro, mi madre no era así, pero yo veía televisión y escuchaba hablar a mi tía Libby, y sabía cómo se suponía que eran las mujeres. Parecía extremadamente horrible. Yo quería ser un niño.
Algún día, dijeron los adultos, algún hombre especial vendría y se casaría conmigo. Entonces me transformaría mágicamente en una ama de casa sumisa y sin cerebro. Peor aún, insistieron en que sería feliz. La idea de que me lavaran el cerebro de esta manera me revolvió el estómago.

me salvó la vida

Cuando tenía 13 años, los administradores de mi escuela secundaria querían enviarme a un psiquiatra. (Mi madre no los dejaba.) En mi camino a casa desde la escuela en el metro, a veces me pegaban, y a veces grupos de chicos de secundaria me acorralaban y amenazaban con violarme para averiguar si era un niño o no. una mujer. (Siempre escapé)
Sé que fui privilegiada y afortunada, y que otras mujeres lo han tenido mucho peor que yo. Pero puedo decirte que estaba asustada y desconcertada.
Luego, en un tablón de anuncios en la escuela, encontré un volante sobre la liberación de las mujeres. (Esto fue en 1969 o 1970, durante el mismo período en que se fundó nuestras espaldas ). Era bastante manso, realmente. Todo lo que dijo fue que los roles sexuales no eran naturales ni necesarios. Esta simple idea me abrió la posibilidad de que pudiera ser mujer y aún ser yo misma.
A veces digo que la combinación del feminismo y el campamento de Girl Scouts me salvó la vida. Puede ser una exageración, pero no por mucho. Hoy está de moda burlarse del movimiento de liberación feminista lesbiana de los años setenta y ochenta. Pero ese movimiento hizo posible que mi vida fuera mucho más libre de lo que hubiera sido de otra manera, y no estoy dispuesta a dejarla morir. No buscamos simplemente la participación igualitaria en las instituciones deformadas de una sociedad opresiva. Trabajamos para crear alternativas a esas instituciones. Incluso nuestras relaciones personales fueron parte de un movimiento más amplio para rehacer el mundo, eliminar el sexismo, el racismo y la explotación económica.

el futuro es ahora

El futuro está aquí, y a veces es tan desagradable que no tengo palabras adecuadas para ello. Dentro de los Estados Unidos, la continua realidad de (hetero) sexismo, racismo, capacidad, edad, antisemitismo, destrucción ambiental y explotación económica es negada por una pretensión oficial de prosperidad e igualdad de oportunidades.
A nivel mundial, el Nuevo Orden Mundial Bush / Clinton protege y promueve la globalización del capital. Esto significa que las corporaciones transnacionales pueden mover libremente sus empleos a donde los salarios sean más bajos y la protección del medio ambiente sea más laxa. Los abusos de este sistema de producción industrial parecen estar llegando a su extremo lógico. Pero cada vez que el capitalismo global parece estar listo para colapsar por sus propios excesos, recupera sus pies y sigue pisoteándonos.
Hablo con muchas lesbianas, tanto en el lugar donde vivo en el oeste de Oregón, como a través de Internet en una lista de correo electrónico sobre lesbofeminismo. Es mi observación que hay un montón de lesbofeministas y lesboseparatistas, mujeres con una comprensión radical de cómo podría ser el mundo. Pero a menudo me parece que estamos desmoralizadas y desorganizadas. Teniendo en cuenta lo que estamos enfrentando, eso no es tan sorprendente. Al menos dentro de los Estados Unidos, los movimientos públicos visibles que esperan nuestra lealtad son completamente decepcionantes.
Congelados por el pánico y la falta de imaginación, los principales grupos feministas han apoyado al violador en la Casa Blanca simplemente porque no es un republicano de derecha. Sin embargo, Bill Clinton lleva a cabo políticas de derecha como la guerra contra los pobres, conocida como reforma del bienestar.
Mientras tanto, el movimiento gaylesbianbisexualtransgender trabaja para reformas tan extrañas como el matrimonio entre personas del mismo sexo. Este tema es un punto doloroso para mí, ya que uno de los mejores regalos que me dio el feminismo fue la ayuda para escapar de esa institución.
Al menos dentro de la civilización occidental, el matrimonio evolucionó como una forma para que los hombres afirmen la propiedad de sus esposas e hijos. Permitió a los hombres ricos perpetuar su poder al pasar su riqueza a sus descendientes masculinos. También dio origen a la familia nuclear, con sus consecuencias mortales de agresión, violación conyugal e incesto. Ver un movimiento que espera mi participación apoyando la idea del matrimonio a veces me lleva al borde de la desesperación.

¿lo que se debe hacer?

El patriarcado global es un problema muy grande. No puedo responder a la invitación de nuestras espaldas para predecir o sugerir cómo será el movimiento feminista global en los próximos 1000 años. Pero cuando se trata del matrimonio entre personas del mismo sexo, tengo algunas ideas para algunas alternativas.
Quiero ofrecer ayuda real a todas las lesbianas que no queremos imitar el estereotipo de Ozzie y Harriet. Muchas de nosotras somos solteras. Algunas de nosotras tenemos más de una amante. Algunas lesbianas tienen acuerdos de copaternidad con personas que no son parejas románticas. La mayoría de las lesbianas que conozco son sostenidas por una complicada red de amigas y ex amantes, incluso aquellas de nosotras que estamos en buenos términos con nuestras familias biológicas. La estructura legal actual hace que nuestras vidas sean mucho más difíciles de lo que tienen que ser.
Esto es lo que tengo en mente para algunas formas de cambiar eso:

una cuestión de estrategia

Después de haber jugado con estas ideas durante más de un año, tengo sentimientos encontrados sobre ellas. Primero, algunas cosas que me gustan:
Me parece que muchas lesbianas apoyan el movimiento homosexual convencional, no porque les guste mucho, sino porque es lo único que conocen que ofrece una agenda específica y concreta en la que pueden trabajar. Creo que he presentado algunas propuestas específicas que podrían atraer a más lesbianas a un movimiento identificado con lesbianas, y creo que es algo bueno.
Además, estas propuestas podrían tener una posibilidad real de ser promulgadas. No son más controvertidos que el matrimonio homosexual, y dado que en realidad beneficiarían a muchos heterosexuales, podrían obtener un respaldo más generalizado.
Ahora, esto es lo que me inquieta:
Soy una lesbiana separatista. Eso significa que trabajo para alternativas lesbianas autónomas a la sociedad patriarcal. No me molesta si el trabajo que hago para las lesbianas también beneficia a las mujeres no lesbianas. Si el trabajo que estoy haciendo tiene algún efecto secundario que beneficia a los hombres sin lastimar a mujeres, ni siquiera me importa eso. Lo que sí me importa es que dos de mis propuestas requieren un apoyo positivo del gobierno. El seguro de salud universal y los familiares designados parecen depender de la existencia continua de la estructura del gobierno patriarcal. Decirle al gobierno que deje de hacer cosas no me molesta. Si varios niveles de gobierno abolieron las leyes de inmigración o las leyes de zonificación o el reconocimiento del matrimonio, eso nos acerca mucho más a un mundo sin gobierno. Pero si le pedimos ayuda al gobierno,
Por lo tanto, me gustaría saber qué piensan lesvianas y mujeres sobre mis ideas. ¿El bien en ellos supera el posible daño? Y si vamos a exigir algo del gobierno, ¿deberíamos seguir adelante y pedir un ingreso de supervivencia garantizado para todos? Crear un futuro feminista no es solo una gran tarea, sino una tarea complicada. Quizás si probamos muchos experimentos diferentes descubrimos algunas estrategias que funcionan.
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2017.04.24 22:07 diwu6398 Goodbyes when you're not allowed to say goodbye

Growing up, my family seemed normal. We'd go do normal family activities, we were not crazy rich but could afford to take vacations once or twice a year. I went to a nice preschool where I easily made friends, I was happy and healthy.
Or so I thought. Looking back, there were tons of red flags. When I went to preschool, I supposedly didn't speak any English, only Cantonese, my parents' native language. I also had to take a lot of mental tests, and I'm not sure of the results, but they were the reason I was in that preschool, for free.
I made friends quickly, but nmom lost those same friends even quicker. The first friend I remember losing was a girl in my kindergarten class. Her mom and my nmom became super close and we were always at each others' houses. We were Girl Scouts together, and our moms were the troop leaders. I still don't know why they split, but it may have had to do with the way my mom always talked shit about friend's mom's weight.
Next was my best friend throughout most of elementary school. She was a great friend, but when our moms had a falling out due to our dog attacking her, we never hung out again. The night it happened, the girl's mom thanked me and said I saved her life. I cried and cried that night because my parents completely blamed me. The next day the girl's mom maintains that I saved her life and hadn't done anything wrong. The next day after that, their family hates ours and I don't know what I did wrong. The girl didn't speak to me again, except in 8th grade to tell me she hated me.
As friends started to come by less and less, nmom turned to alienating family members. Nmom has a brother with whom she used to be close, but not anymore. I don't know what exactly was said, but nmom basically drunkenly insults the whole family while she and I were there for my cousin's birthday party. They don't talk to us much anymore, and she blames that on me.
Finally was my godparents, who all of a sudden stopped inviting us over for dinner. (We lived across from each other.) Nmom will probably never admit it, but it's her fault. This I know because my god sister contacted me about it. She didn't seem to know why exactly the godfam cut us off, but made sure I knew I was still welcome but drunk mom was not.
Now, my family does not seem normal. They are always trying to cover for nmom, and we don't do family things anymore. Nmom and GCsis occasionally go on vacation, but by themselves. I dropped out of college because of the stress. I barely talk to Edad because when I called 911 the day my mom attacked me, he told me not to call them again because "if your mom goes to jail, I'm gonna be left to take care of your sister and I can't afford that," which to me sounds like "I know your mom is guilty but deal with it because I'd rather buy alcohol than deal with your sister who is also turning into your mom. I don't talk to GCsis, who believes everything nmom tells her and doesn't want to talk to me.
I wish I had been able to say goodbye to those friends. I don't blame them for hating my family or not wanting to hang out anymore. It hurts, but that was the price nmom liked to make us pay.
I think that mentality of "don't make friends so you can't lose them" carried into adolescence and adulthood.
submitted by diwu6398 to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2017.02.21 16:12 dr_mcstuffins Coping with emotional incest

Trigger warning: discussion of incest and possible molestation
I'm slowly coming to the horrifying realization of just how messed up my childhood dynamic was.
I'm the eldest SG sister 🐐 and have a younger GC Nbrother. My Nmom was cold, neglectful, and covert with her abuse which was primarily directed at me. My EDad adored me and treated me like his little princess.
That was my conscious understanding of our dynamic until yesterday when I finally sat down and researched emotional incest. My mother has always resented me, from the day I was born, because my dad loved me more than he loved her and the whole family knew it. Everyone knew it. She is a shell of a human being with no capacity for empathy and she emotionally neglected my father. He's like me, an empath, and his "inner light" is that he is literally overflowing with love and affection. I'm the same way. My mom rejected his love but I ate up his affection like it was oxygen. I became HIS mirror and he used me to meet his unmet emotional needs. We were WAY too close and my mother deeply resented me for it. I was able to give him the one thing she couldn't - genuine love. My brother also resented my relationship with my dad because my dad always favored me. My mom favored my brother and was too close to him. My mom committed emotional incest with both kids by turning me into her little shrink and my brother became more like her surrogate spouse. I was the "other woman" in my parent's relationship. Wtf. How did I not realize this sooner. He literally used to take me on "daddy daughter dates" and even called it that and he'd wear cologne. It was like team dad/daughter against team mom/son. My parents never acted like they loved each other and they fought like cats but never divorced because my dad is Irish Catholic. Also this one time my Girl Scout troop had a fathedaughter dance and my dad danced... behind me... while holding my hips... and I felt shaaaaaame and wanted to run away. It only lasted about 5 seconds but I was also horrified because my peers saw him do it.
I'm pretty positive this is the actual reason my mom did literally everything she could to make me ugly. Ugly clothes and glasses and she never treated my acne and I was bullied a ton in school because of the ugly Walmart outfits she forced me to wear. She AGGRESSIVELY repressed my gender and sexuality. She drilled it into my head that sex and sexual pleasure = disgust and shame. I think... I think this was because of my relationship with my dad. She saw me as a threat. Like, a sexual threat. That is so... disgusting. I feel dirty.
I'm... I'm feeling really fucked up about this. The word INCEST is clanging around in my brain. I have always wondered my whole life if I was ever molested and according to google that is a very abnormal thing to wonder. I have shit tons of repressed memories so the odds I repressed anything like that are high. My whole life I have been exclusively attracted to men younger than me. Just 1-3 years younger, nothing weird. I have also never been attracted to older men, at all, and all my friends always thought I was weird when I was like "George Clooney is gross, he's so old." Like it goes beyond "older guys just aren't my type" to "older men completely disgust me." It's that intense of a revulsion. I get angry when way older men hit on me. With MULTIPLE older male authority figures in my life this weird uncomfortable sexual dynamic always comes up but is never mentioned or addressed. I hate being touched and have an enormous personal space bubble.
Obviously, I'm getting myself back in therapy. I know incest thoughts are way above Reddit's pay grade. I've just been having trouble finding one who can handle the severity and depth of my issues. I've had 5 now who straight up couldn't handle my degree of trauma. Last night I was reading all this stuff about emotional incest and just completely freaking out.
Help? I guess? I don't know what my question is. Anyone further along with their healing journey have any advice? I'm NC with my mom and brother already but not sure with my dad. I opened up to him about my mom's abuse over the phone last week. He said he didn't know she abused me. I hate it because I love him but now there's this disgust factor and I hate that I love him and I'm extremely confused. I was happier in the month I spent NC with him but started to miss him really bad so we started talking again. AUGH I don't know what to do. I've worked so hard to overcome the feeling that I'm broken or damaged goods and I genuinely hit a point of believing that to my core. Now I have this unshakable feeling of "I was doomed from the day i was born to have life long relationship problems and PTSD was genuinely inevitable." I don't know how to get back to healing.
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2016.07.19 17:50 alwaysunsure13 Help for my son

I'm the daughter of an Nmom and an Edad. Been in therapy for many years and still working on my severe fleas. My question today is about my 16 year old son, though.
He is very angry, and always lashing out at me and his 13 year old sister. My daughter is very kind, and doesn't do anything to deserve this behavior. I have my issues, and have done and said things with him that I regret. Said unkind things to him, yelled, etc. I always apologize, identify the inappropriate behavior, and I always try to explain where I think my "outbursts" came from, and assure my son that I am working on being a better person and mother. As the years pass, I lose my temper with him less and less. Lately, my outbursts are almost non-existent.
We have talked many times. My son always says he doesn't know where his anger comes from. He's been to therapy many times, which doesn't seem to do any good. I've attended a few sessions with him. The only thing we've come up with is that he is very jealous of his sister. He says she is "perfect," and makes him feel like a loser. I, of course, tried to explain that no one is perfect, and have pointed out his good qualities, etc., etc.
My therapist, who has met my ex (the kids' father) many times, feels that the anger stems from my ex. She feels, and I agree, that the ex probably has a personality disorder (possibly OCPD?). The children are not "allowed" to express anger at dad's house--he will punish them for it by making them spend hours in their rooms. So, possibly my son is expressing anger at my house because it is "safe?"
I had another conversation with my son the other day. He cried the whole time. I told him it felt like he was dumping angry feelings on myself and his sister that we didn't deserve. I told him I hated to see him so angry, and I wanted to try to help him identify the source of his anger and help him deal with it in a more productive way. I asked if there was something I was doing that made him angry? If there is, please tell me so I can work on my own behaviors. He said there is not. Well, not exactly. He said that I was always asking him questions and he doesn't like it. I don't constantly grill him, though. I think he was referring to our present conversation. LOL. I explained that sometimes a parent needs to ask questions to try to find solutions to a problem.
I asked if his dad was doing something that made him angry. He got very angry with me, and said "Why are you always blaming dad for everything?" Yikes. There's something for me to think about, for sure. But it still doesn't id the source of my poor son's anger. Finally, in tears, my son said: "I'm only angry when I'm with my family. I just want to move out, away from my family." Again, yikes!
My son then said, again, in tears, that there is just something wrong with HIM. That there is no reason for his anger--it's just him. I explained that he has grown up with a lot of people who are dealing with issues of their own, myself included, and that he is very likely to be affected by that. I said that I think it's much more likely that he is struggling with the way he is being treated by other people than that there is something inherently wrong with him. At this point, my son begged me to stop asking him questions. We were also arriving at our destination (we were in the car), so I said, "OK. We can stop talking for now." The rest of our day went well. We had fun together, and there was no tension. Now, he's on a one-week camping trip with the Scouts.
Does anyone have any insight into this? Where do I go from here once my son returns home? Do you think my therapist could be right--that my son is angry at his father, and lets it out at my house because it's "safe" there?
As an aside--both my son and my daughter have been saying that they no longer want to go to dad's house for a couple of years now. I've told them both that if they really want to stay with me full-time, I'll help them make that happen. But they don't want to hurt their dad. My son never talks about his feelings. I honestly think he doesn't really know where his anger comes from. My daughter has told me that dad doesn't even talk to them when they're at his house--he's always working. He makes her feel bad about herself, etc. An example she gave me--dad wanted her to go to camp because he thinks she doesn't socialize enough. Just three weeks into summer, she had already arranged, by herself, two sleepovers with two different friends, and she'd attended a week-long day camp. She's in Girl Scouts, band and chorus, and has friends at school. I think she's doing great, and told her so. She's in middle school for goodness' sake! Could there possibly be a more difficult time in a kid's life? But she says dad makes her feel like she doesn't have enough friends.
Sorry for the novel. Any insight would be appreciated!
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2016.06.05 19:48 ShaunaDorothy EE.UU.: Cacería de brujas asesina “Delincuentes sexuales” marcados por el estado: Parias de por vida (Febrero de 2014)
Espartaco No. 40 Febrero de 2014
Durante las últimas décadas, la policía sexual de este país ha capturado a cerca de un millón de personas. Se les encarcela, se les humilla públicamente y se les pone en peligro mediante los registros de “delincuentes sexuales” en Internet, se les rastrea con tobilleras de GPS, se les expulsa de sus propias comunidades y se les obliga a vivir bajo los puentes o en los bosques. Se han convertido en parias sociales, en los leprosos de la actualidad.
Incluso mientras el matrimonio gay —y los boy scouts (abiertamente) gays— son cada vez más aceptados, el esfuerzo de los gobernantes por legislar el sexo y la “moralidad” parece no tener fin. Su más reciente expresión es el frenesí azuzado contra un supuesto brote de incorregibles “depredadores sexuales”, especialmente los que supuestamente tienen como blanco a niños en Internet (es decir, un mundo fantástico) o a través de la pornografía (también pura fantasía). No hay tal epidemia; sin embargo, parece haber un gran número de policías infiltrados al acecho en los chat rooms. Se ha victimizado a miles sólo por mirar pornografía o por intentar comunicarse con otros, por no hablar del sexo consensual con menores, nada de lo cual sería un crimen en una sociedad racional.
Tal como ocurrió con la histeria de los años ochenta y noventa sobre las supuestas redes satánicas de abuso de menores en las guarderías, el depredador de Internet es un mito manufacturado por el gobierno y los medios. Incitando y manipulando el miedo y las actitudes sociales atrasadas, su finalidad subyacente es legitimar y fortalecer los poderes del estado capitalista. Mientras los políticos demócratas y republicanos sermonean sobre “proteger a nuestra niñez”, los imperialistas estadounidenses bombardean a niños en todo el mundo y millones pasan hambre incluso en este país, donde la tasa de mortalidad infantil llega al lugar 51 del mundo.
Entre las innovaciones legales más perniciosas, diseñadas para aumentar el control del gobierno, están las leyes federales que firmó el presidente demócrata Bill Clinton a mediados de los noventa y que le exigen a los delincuentes sexuales liberados que se registren en Internet y notifiquen a la comunidad su paradero. Otro estatuto le exige a las autoridades estatales que transmitan sus datos y huellas digitales al FBI para que éste forme una base de datos nacional. También está el “confinamiento civil”, que permite mantener a los prisioneros recluidos más allá del término de sus sentencias. Con estas leyes, los convictos de delitos sexuales se ven inmersos en un laberinto kafkiano de presunta culpabilidad, ostracismo social, castigos preventivos, miedo y violencia, frecuentemente de por vida.
Para Charles Parker de Jonesville, Carolina del Sur, y para su esposa, registrarse como delincuente sexual fue una sentencia de muerte. En julio, Jeremy Moody halló el nombre de Parker en el registro y ubicó su hogar en un mapa, se dirigió ahí y disparó y apuñaló a la pareja. “No he venido a robarte. He venido a matarte porque eres un abusador de niños”, dijo Moody, quien tiene la palabra “skinhead” [cabeza rapada] tatuada en el cuello. (Parker no había sido convicto por abuso de menores.) Posteriormente, Moody admitió que se preparaba para matar a otra persona que figuraba en el registro.
Un caso de estudio: Los Friedman
Hace poco volvió a las noticias el caso de Arnold Friedman y su hijo adolescente Jesse, documentado en la escalofriante película nominada al Oscar de 2003 Capturando a los Friedman. La película muestra cómo los dos hombres de Long Island, víctimas del abuso policiaco, la histeria de la comunidad y el sesgo judicial, fueron obligados a confesar en falso decenas de casos de abuso de menores que supuestamente ocurrieron en las clases de computación de Arnold, con la ayuda de Jesse. Un amigo adolescente de éste, Ross Goldstein, también fue condenado a trece meses de prisión tras ser obligado a confesar y a hacer acusaciones falsas contra Jesse.
Los cargos de esa cacería de brujas iban desde lo inverosímil hasta lo imposible. Como lo puso Jesse Friedman, un niño de diez años que asistía a las clases semanalmente alegó que había sido forzado a tener sexo anal u oral 30 veces en un periodo de diez semanas y —tras reinscribirse— fue violado 41 veces a lo largo del siguiente año. Entre lo que un cargo describía como abusos en grupo se incluía el “salto de rana”, en el cual Arnold y Jesse supuestamente sodomizaban a toda la clase de niños desnudos saltando de uno al otro. Pese a las historias de violencia física, abuso verbal y sexo forzado frente a toda la clase, no se presentó una sola evidencia: ni moretones ni ropa manchada de sangre. Ni uno solo de los padres expresó la menor sospecha hasta que la policía llegó a sus casas a interrogar a sus hijos.
El único hecho incuestionable es que en 1987 los agentes aduanales interceptaron un paquete dirigido a Arnold Friedman que contenía pornografía infantil, lo que llevó a la policía a allanar el hogar de los Friedman en el suburbio de Nueva York de Great Neck. La policía confiscó unas 20 revistas de pornografía infantil tomadas de varias partes de la casa y una lista de los niños que asistían a las clases de Arnold.
¡Al poseer pornografía infantil, Arnold Friedman no cometió crimen alguno! Fotografías, sexo de fantasía, entretenimiento: la pornografía no hace daño a nadie. ¿Cuántos de nosotros podríamos librarnos de la prisión si los “pensamientos desviados” se castigaran con cárcel? Al contrario de ciertos feministas y de los maoístas del Revolutionary Communist Party [Partido Comunista Revolucionario], quienes quisieran prohibir la pornografía sobre la espuria base de que provoca violencia contra la mujer, nosotros reconocemos que las leyes antipornografía dañan a todos al legitimar la censura y desatar la interferencia estatal en la vida privada. Nos oponemos a las leyes contra la pornografía y a las leyes contra los “crímenes sin víctimas”, como la prostitución, las drogas y las apuestas. ¡El gobierno debería sacar los ojos, oídos y narices de las alcobas y de las vidas privadas de la gente!
Según la retorcida lógica que esta sociedad promueve, Arnold Friedman, espectador de pornografía, debía ser por lo tanto un abusador de menores, por lo que fue condenado a una sentencia de diez a 30 años de prisión y murió en la cárcel en 1995, aparentemente por suicidio. Jesse recibió una sentencia de seis a 18 años tras las rejas. Lo liberaron en 2001 después de trece años, sólo para que comenzara una cadena perpetua de persecución legal y social.
Ya antes de que comenzara el juicio, las autoridades promovieron la noción de que cada uno de los estudiantes de Arnold debía ser considerado una víctima. Cientos de padres de familia histéricos se apiñaron en reuniones comunitarias exigiendo asesoría sobre cómo ayudar a sus hijos. Se les dijo que fueran a terapia. Años después, muchas supuestas víctimas testificaron respecto al terrible daño que sufrieron ellos y sus familias cuando el estado los obligó a inventar historias, y luego por la subsiguiente “terapia” basada en esas ficciones.
En 2013, la oficina del mismo fiscal que condenó a los Friedman revisó el caso en respuesta a una acusación de calumnia que el Tribunal de Apelaciones del II Distrito emitió en 2010. El tribunal escribió: “Aquí las actas indican una ‘probabilidad razonable’ de que Jesse Friedman fuera injustamente sentenciado”. Para la revisión de la fiscalía, Ross Goldstein (a quien los documentos legales se refieren como Kenneth Doe) habló por primera vez en 23 años. En un documento de nueve páginas dirigido al fiscal de distrito, afirmó: “Ninguno de los sucesos que Kenneth Doe supuestamente describió o que se atribuyen a él tuvo lugar en realidad”. Goldstein reunió a numerosos ex alumnos que hoy afirman que en las clases no ocurrió absolutamente nada y que la policía los intimidó para que rindieran falsos testimonios. Sin embargo (predeciblemente), el resultado del autoexamen fue que la oficina del fiscal se absolvió a sí misma de cualquier falta en el proceso.
La sexualidad infantil y el estado
El caso Friedman, una tragedia incesante para toda una familia, subraya varias cuestiones políticas importantes. El enfoque de la Spartacist League deriva de nuestra concepción marxista del mundo y nos enfrenta con el moralismo burgués y con frecuencia también con muchos grupos autodenominados socialistas. La sexualidad humana es muy amplia, pero su práctica está condicionada por cada sociedad particular. La sociedad burguesa estadounidense, con su componente de fanatismo religioso, destina una cantidad considerable de energía a delimitar los apetitos sexuales en nombre del orden social. Con sus policías, jueces y prisiones, la intervención del estado en las relaciones sexuales privadas tiene como fin imponer la moralidad que profesa la burguesía, y con frecuencia transforma una experiencia inofensiva y muchas veces positiva en una pesadilla. El estado burgués no es ni un árbitro neutral ni un protector de la ciudadanía; existe para asegurar la conservación del dominio capitalista.
La premisa de muchas leyes contra el sexo es que los niños son seres asexuales. De manera absurda, los púberes y los adolescentes con las hormonas desbocadas son considerados niños. De hecho, la sexualidad es parte de la constitución humana desde la infancia. Como discutimos con amplitud en el artículo “Unholy Alliance of Feminists and Christian Right—Satan, the State and Anti-Sex Hysteria” (La impía alianza de los feministas y la derecha cristiana—Satanás, el estado y la histeria antisexo, Women and Revolution No. 45, invierno-primavera de 1996), los niños son pequeños animales inquisitivos que en su camino a la madurez llevan a cabo experiencias y observaciones sexuales y de todo tipo. Tal como ocurre con otras especies de primates, el sexo entre los humanos tiene un amplio componente de aprendizaje. Hoy, en gran parte del país se le niega a la juventud el acceso oportuno a los métodos anticonceptivos y a la educación sexual, dejándola vulnerable a los embarazos no deseados y a las enfermedades de transmisión sexual. Si intenta actuar como la televisión e Internet le enseña, se mete en problemas.
Las leyes contra el estupro varían mucho de un estado a otro, pero todas criminalizan toda actividad que un tribunal considere sexual por el solo hecho de que un menor (alguien que no haya llegado a la “edad de consentimiento”) participe en ella, independientemente de si lo que suceda sea o no consensual. La ley mezcla deliberadamente el sexo consensual con el ataque sexual violento y con la violación. Cualquiera que sea hallado culpable de haber tenido sexo con un menor, o cualquier cosa considerada contacto sexual, se considera automáticamente un delincuente violento. La designación “depredador” puede aplicarse cuando un tribunal decide que una relación fue establecida o promovida con fines de “victimización”.
El único lineamiento para cualquier relación sexual debería ser el consentimiento efectivo —es decir, el entendimiento mutuo de las partes participantes— independientemente de la edad, el género o la preferencia sexual. Sin duda, determinar incluso lo más básico —por ejemplo, si un acto tuvo lugar realmente y si fue consensual— puede ser problemático a veces. Y ciertamente hay muchos casos en que la víctima de una violación o de un abuso violento puede recurrir a la ley. Al mismo tiempo, como alguna vez comentó el dramaturgo irlandés Brendan Behan en un contexto diferente: “Nunca he visto una situación tan terrible que un policía no pueda empeorar”. Además, desentrañar las cuestiones de la sexualidad humana del entramado de prejuicios sociales es casi imposible en esta sociedad dividida en clases y razas. Libre de la crueldad y la fría indiferencia que resultan de la búsqueda de ganancia, una sociedad socialista buscaría un enfoque científico a estas cuestiones difíciles.
Las leyes antisexo han creado una enorme masa de blancos potenciales, alimentando pesquisas con vastas sumas de dinero para trabajo encubierto y alentando procesos fraudulentos mediante el uso de oscuras invenciones siquiátricas y “testigos expertos”. En consecuencia, cada vez más víctimas caen en las fauces del sistema carcelario estadounidense, que ya es el mayor del mundo. Las cifras de la guerra contra los “depravados” sexuales se suman a las de la anterior “guerra contra el crimen” y a la continua “guerra contra las drogas”, eufemismos para nombrar la persecución legal racista que ha cuadruplicado la población carcelaria a cerca de 2.2 millones de personas al día de hoy, de las cuales casi la mitad son negras.
Desde los años setenta hasta hoy, el número de personas encarceladas como delincuentes sexuales se ha multiplicado. El libro Sex Panic and the Punitive State (Pánico sexual y el estado punitivo, University of California Press, 2011), de Roger N. Lancaster, aporta una investigación útil que describe el desarrollo de estos pánicos y muestra con precisión cuán vasto es el archipiélago de víctimas de la persecución sexual estatal. Lancaster escribe: “Nacionalmente, los casos reportados de abuso infantil saltaron de seis mil en 1976 a 113 mil en 1985 y a 350 mil en 1988: la cifra se multiplicó 58 veces en doce años”. Apuntando al terror irracional al “desconocido que acecha”, en un artículo publicado en el New York Times del 20 de agosto de 2011 titulado “Sex Offenders: The Last Pariahs” [Delincuentes sexuales: Los últimos parias], señaló: “El riesgo de que un niño sea asesinado por un depredador sexual desconocido es comparable al de morir fulminado por un rayo”. Lancaster también señala que “la mayoría de los perpetradores de abusos sexuales son miembros de la familia, parientes cercanos, amigos o conocidos de la familia de la víctima”.
Las cacerías de brujas antisexo han sido usadas para deshacerse de elementos básicos que los estadounidenses habían aprendido a considerar inherentes a la democracia, así como la “guerra contra el terrorismo” ha destripado toda una gama de derechos constitucionales. Como puede verse en el caso Friedman, lo primero que se pierde es la privacidad, seguida de la presunción de inocencia, cuando los acusados son satanizados. Luego se marca a los convictos de por vida. Hoy, cerca de 750 mil personas están en el registro de Internet que instituyó la “Ley Megan” de la era Clinton, promulgada tras el brutal asesinato de la pequeña Megan Kanka de siete años en un ataque sexual en 1994.
Al salir de la cárcel, Jesse Friedman —quien para empezar no había hecho nada— fue clasificado como “depredador sexual violento nivel III”, es decir, como alguien en alto riesgo de reincidir y como una amenaza a la seguridad pública. Como tal, tuvo que abandonar su casa tres veces. Con respecto a las restricciones de residencia, que le prohíben la proximidad con niños, escribió en su página web: “Si miras un mapa, te darás cuenta de que eso significa prácticamente cualquier parte. En algunos estados y ciudades se me prohibiría estar en cualquier lugar ‘donde se sabe que los niños se congregan’, incluyendo bibliotecas, museos, acuarios, playas e incluso eventos deportivos públicos”. “La Ley Megan”, escribió, “es el exilio social”.
Otros miles han sido convertidos en parias de manera similar. En Southampton, un destino vacacional para las celebridades neoyorquinas y los tiburones de Wall Street, unos 40 hombres convictos de diversos delitos sexuales se ven obligados a vivir en dos tráilers alejados de los centros habitados. Sólo uno de los tráilers tiene regadera y los que viven en el otro tienen que tomar el autobús dos veces por semana para ducharse.
La novela agudamente realista de Russell Banks, Lost Memory of Skin (La memoria perdida de la piel, HarperCollins, 2011), explora el horrendo mundo de los nuevos parias. El héroe es un joven tímido e ingenuo al que se le llama “el Chico”, cuyo fiel compañero y único amigo es su iguana Iggy. El Chico va a conocer a “brandi18”, con quien había tratado sólo por Internet, sólo para encontrarse con que en casa de ella lo esperan el padre de Brandi y cinco policías. Tras ser arrestado y condenado, se halla a sí mismo sin hogar, viviendo bajo un puente junto a otros “delincuentes sexuales”, pepenando comida de los basureros. En nombre de políticos que buscan un encabezado de prensa, la policía allana incluso ese lugar diminuto, sucio y semioculto, con resultados trágicos. A estos hombres del puente se les obliga implacablemente a recargar constantemente sus tobilleras de monitoreo:
“Toma media hora cargar completamente la batería del monitor, y durante esa media hora el Chico se siente íntimamente conectado a los demás millones de delincuentes sexuales, jóvenes, viejos y de otras edades...todos los cuales han conectado sus tobilleras electrónicas a contactos y están sentados en alcobas, salas y sótanos de casas, apartamentos y remolques, en estacionamientos, refugios de indigentes, parques públicos, aeropuertos, estaciones de tren, salas de espera, oficinas, en las trastiendas de restaurantes de comida rápida, bajo pasos a desnivel y puentes peatonales —como si todos ellos fueran hojas temblorosas en las ramas grandes y pequeñas de un vasto árbol eléctrico cuya sombra cubriera todo el país—”.
...y tiren la llave
Las diversas leyes estatales y federales de “confinamiento civil” que se han aprobado desde 1990 son una burla de la noción de “cumplir tu sentencia” y de la pretendida rehabilitación. Por ejemplo, la “Ley Adam Walsh de Protección y Seguridad de los Niños” de 2006 posibilita la detención indefinida de cualquier prisionero federal —incluso si nunca ha sido convicto de ningún delito sexual— que haya cumplido su sentencia pero sea considerado mentalmente “anormal” y se crea probable que cometa algún delito sexual en el futuro.
En el artículo “When the Feds Decide Who’s Sexually Dangerous” [Cuando los federales deciden quién es sexualmente peligroso], publicado en The Atlantic (20 de mayo de 2010), Wendy Kaminer señala: “Quienes confían en la burocracia federal y creen que los funcionarios usarán su poder adecuadamente, con imparcialidad y buena fe, pueden sentirse protegidos por él; a los demás debe preocuparles que el gobierno pueda detener ciudadanos indefinidamente, sin juicios con jurado, basándose en especulaciones sobre su futura peligrosidad”. Díganselo a los prisioneros de Guantánamo.
Bajo algunas leyes estatales, los sometidos a confinamiento civil pueden tener derecho a un proceso ante un juez, pero no a un juicio con la posibilidad de preparar una defensa. La mayoría no recibe “tratamiento” y prácticamente nadie obtiene algo de él. ¡Incluso se dio el caso de un hombre de Wisconsin de 102 años que no pudo someterse a tratamiento por fallas en la memoria y problemas de oído!
Hasta 2007, dos mil 700 hombres estaban recluidos en centros de confinamiento civil. Para escapar de las garras de estas instituciones penales/“terapéuticas” en las que se encuentran sepultados, algunos prisioneros incluso solicitan ser castrados, como lo relata el artículo “The Science of Sex Abuse” [La ciencia del abuso sexual] de Rachel Aviv (The New Yorker, 14 de enero de 2013). La primera persona detenida bajo la Ley Adam Walsh, Graydon Comstock, cuestionó la legislación en un caso ante la Suprema Corte en 2010. Aviv observa: “Para cuando el caso fue atendido, cuatro años después de que la sentencia criminal de Comstock expirara, él tenía ya 67 años y padecía del corazón, de diabetes e incontinencia. Ya dos veces había solicitado ser castrado, creyendo que la operación ayudaría en su caso, pero se le dijo que no estaba médicamente justificada”. En años recientes, la Suprema Corte ha refrendado diversos estatutos del confinamiento civil.
El poderoso análisis de Aviv de los horrores del confinamiento civil gira en torno al caso real de un soldado solitario llamado John, que se hizo amigo en un chat room de “Indy-Girl”. Sí, era un policía encubierto. El soldado, invitado a un tentador picnic al aire libre, rápidamente fue capturado por la Unidad Militar de Investigaciones y el FBI. John fue sentenciado a 53 meses en una prisión federal por poseer pornografía infantil y por “usar Internet para inducir a un menor a tener sexo”. Pero entonces fue cuando empezaron sus verdaderos problemas.
Tras salir en libertad condicional, John recayó y volvió a mirar pornografía con menores, por lo que rápidamente fue sentenciado a otros dos años en prisión. Seguía preso cuando el Congreso aprobó la Ley Adam Walsh, por lo que se le transfirió a una prisión médica de Massachusetts y, sin audiencia legal, se determinó que era de “alto riesgo”. Así pasaron cuatro años. En 2011 comenzó su audiencia de confinamiento civil. Al año siguiente, un juez dictaminó que John era demasiado peligroso para ser liberado y lo condenó a un “confinamiento terapéutico” indefinido en el sistema carcelario federal. Desde entonces sigue en ese limbo, donde una “terapia” diaria lo alienta a declarar cada vez más historias fantasiosas para ganarse la aprobación de los siquiatras, historias que sólo contribuyen a incriminarlo. Vivir en una tienda de campaña bajo un puente parece un destino preferible.
Nuevas brujas, nuevos inquisidores
En Estados Unidos, con su vena profundamente puritana y su insidioso racismo, la combinación de sexo y raza siempre ha sido usada como medio de control social. El mito del hombre negro depredador acosando a mujeres y niños blancos se conjuró para mantener aterrorizada a la población negra cuando la ley linchadora imperaba en el Sur de Jim Crow. Con frecuencia se ha recurrido a leyes antisexo para poner a hombres negros tras las rejas, incluyendo a celebridades como el boxeador Jack Johnson en 1912 y a Michael Jackson en 1994 y de nuevo diez años después.
Las cruzadas antisexo fueron una de las armas que se usaron para revertir las conquistas de las luchas por los derechos civiles y para apagar el descontento social de los años sesenta y principios de los setenta, especialmente el provocado por la Guerra de Vietnam. Tras tomar posesión en 1977, el gobierno demócrata de Jimmy Carter desató un asalto de reacción social interna mientras llevaba a la Casa Blanca el fundamentalismo religioso de los “renacidos”. Bajo el lema de los “derechos humanos” lanzó también la Segunda Guerra Fría del imperialismo estadounidense con el objetivo de destruir a la Unión Soviética.
La siguiente década presenció una de las cacerías de brujas más terribles y peculiares de la historia estadounidense: la histeria respecto al “abuso satánico” en las guarderías, que le arruinó la vida a cientos de hombres, mujeres y niños. El auge de esta cacería de brujas, que se extendió hasta principios de los años noventa, coincidió con la reacción reaganista —la cual, entre otras cosas, intentó enviar a las mujeres de vuelta a los hogares—. Se recortaron los fondos para el bienestar social y otros programas sociales, como las guarderías y preescolares para madres trabajadoras, provocando enormes dificultades y daños a las mujeres y los niños. El pánico del “abuso satánico” sirvió para encubrir un abuso real por parte del gobierno.
En el juicio más largo de la historia estadounidense, que se extendió de 1986 a 1990, el caso de la escuela preescolar McMartin, los niños testigos contaron historias de sacrificios animales, orgías, pasadizos secretos, mutilación de cadáveres y otras ficciones. El caso comenzó en 1983, y para el año siguiente el gran jurado había reunido 354 declaraciones que implicaban hasta 369 supuestas víctimas, mientras la policía anunciaba una enorme conspiración criminal. Más de 70 personas fueron condenadas injustamente. Mientras tanto, decenas de otros casos de “satanismo” barrieron el país, desde el condado de Kern en California, hasta Fells Acres en Massachusetts y la guardería Little Rascals de Carolina del Norte. En estos casos no se encontró evidencia alguna. Los acusados eran completamente inocentes, como señalamos entonces (a diferencia de prácticamente todo el resto de la izquierda) al defender a los trabajadores de las guarderías. Los Friedman fueron arrestados en medio de esa cacería de brujas.
Los liberales y feministas burgueses ayudaron a impulsar esa locura. Aunque se presentan como protectores de las mujeres y los niños, su remedio es pedirle al estado leyes más numerosas y más duras, así como más vigilancia policiaca. La versión más extrema de esa misma política fue el libro de 1975 de Susan Brownmiller, Against Our Will [Contra nuestra voluntad], famoso por su aseveración de que la violación es la principal forma en que todos los hombres controlan a todas las mujeres. Su propuesta: más mujeres policías.
En los años setenta y ochenta, los florecientes escuadrones de dios, dirigidos por gente como el fundamentalista católico Patrick Buchanan y el líder de la Mayoría Moral Jerry Falwell, se movilizaban contra el aborto y declaraban que el sida era un castigo de dios a los gays. Mientras los fanáticos de derecha sitiaban las clínicas de aborto, los feministas apuntaban contra la pornografía y un imaginario abuso satánico. Al impulsar este programa antisexo, los “progresistas” entablaron una alianza temporal con los evangélicos.
El estado respondió gustoso. En 1974, el demócrata Walter Mondale promovió la Ley de Prevención y Tratamiento del Abuso Infantil, que obligaba a los terapeutas, maestros y trabajadores sociales a informar a la policía de cualquier indicación de abuso. Así, se suponía que cientos de miles de educadores y trabajadores sociales actuarían como auxiliares de la maquinaria de represión del estado capitalista. En los años ochenta, el procurador general de Reagan, Edwin Meese, lanzó una gran campaña contra la pornografía, con bastante ayuda de sus aliados liberales. Con Internet, las cosas no hicieron sino empeorar. En los últimos quince años, las sentencias federales por posesión de pornografía infantil han aumentado en extensión más de 500 por ciento y pueden ameritar hasta cadena perpetua, la sentencia que suele darse al homicidio en primer grado.
Entre las feministas más prominentes que impulsaban las reaccionarias campañas antiporno estaba la fundadora de la revista Ms., Gloria Steinem, quien empezó su carrera como informante de la CIA. La despreciable Steinem también se subió con furor al tren del ritual satánico y la memoria reprimida. A mediados de los ochenta financió una excavación que los padres de familia de la escuela preescolar McMartin realizaron en busca de los (inexistentes) túneles y calabozos de los que habían hablado sus hijos bajo coerción. En 1993, Ms. salió con el encabezado: “El abuso ritual de las sectas existe —¡Créanlo!”.
En 1995, Steinem narró el documental de HBO The Search for Deadly Memories. Los apócrifos “recuerdos recuperados” de abuso cumplieron una función perniciosa en numerosos casos. Estos “recuerdos reprimidos”, como los llaman los trabajadores sociales fraudulentos, son la versión secular liberal de la histeria religiosa. Como materialistas convencidos, no nos lo creímos. Como señalamos en “Satan, the State and Anti-Sex Hysteria”, las técnicas que supuestamente revelan traumas reprimidos han demostrado ser excelentes para inducir recuerdos falsos, especialmente en niños pequeños y susceptibles. En ocasiones, es la policía quien implanta los supuestos recuerdos en el curso de los interrogatorios, como ocurrió en el caso Friedman. Los traumas verdaderos realmente trauman a la gente, que tiende a recordarlos.
El sexo, el matrimonio y la familia
¿Cómo es que la expansión de la tolerancia (salvo en reaccionarios endurecidos y fanáticos religiosos) respecto al matrimonio gay puede coexistir con una implacable cacería de brujas antisexo? Esto se debe a que el matrimonio, un contrato legal, es uno de los principales sostenes sociales del estado burgués. En una presentación el pasado mayo, David Thorstad, quien en 1978 estuvo entre los fundadores de la North American Man/Boy Love Association (NAMBLA), señaló la desbandada del movimiento radical gay:
“El anterior desafío a la heterosupremacía, dirigido a liberar la sexualidad reprimida de todos, ha sido remplazado por un enfoque conservador y convencional por la aceptación de la sociedad capitalista heterosupremacista. Donde esto es más obvio es en la búsqueda del matrimonio y la participación abierta en instituciones opresivas como el ejército, así como los llamados a fortalecer las fuerzas represivas del estado mediante las leyes contra los llamados crímenes de odio”.
Así, en la búsqueda de la respetabilidad burguesa, las marchas del orgullo gay acogen contingentes de policías gays, cuyo trabajo incluye el arresto de “delincuentes sexuales”. Mientras tanto, los organizadores de las marchas vetan a organizaciones como NAMBLA, que llama por la despenalización de las relaciones consensuales entre hombres adultos y menores de edad.
A diferencia de los feministas, el establishment gay y, asquerosamente, la mayor parte de la izquierda “socialista”, nosotros siempre hemos defendido a NAMBLA y a sus miembros tanto de la represión estatal como de la victimización por parte de los patrones. Se trata de algo más que una cuestión de “libertad de expresión”. Muchísimos jóvenes, torturados y confundidos por sus propios sentimientos, en conflicto con la severidad represiva de esta sociedad, encontrarían reconfortante hablar de estas cosas con personas más experimentadas, como lo han hecho generaciones anteriores. En esta época, sin embargo, tener cualquier tipo de intimidad intergeneracional es jugar con fuego.
En un artículo titulado “Youth, Sexuality and the Left” [Juventud, sexualidad y la izquierda], Sherry Wolf de la International Socialist Organization (ISO, Organización Socialista Internacional) se sumó al linchamiento de Thorstad acusándolo de ser “el más constante y sonoro defensor de la pederastia en la izquierda” (, 2 de marzo de 2010). Conservando la premisa reaccionaria de las leyes de la edad de consentimiento, Wolf cita su libro Sexuality and Socialism: History, Politics and Theory of LGBT Liberation [Sexualidad y socialismo: Historia, política y teoría de la liberación LGBT]: “Es incongruente que un niño dé verdadero consentimiento, libre de la desigualdad de poder, a un hombre de 30”. El artículo de Wolf continúa: “En nuestra sociedad, los adultos y los niños no se enfrentan como iguales en lo emocional, lo físico, lo social o lo económico. Los niños y los adolescentes más jóvenes no tienen la madurez, la experiencia ni el poder necesarios para tomar decisiones verdaderamente libres en sus relaciones con los adultos. Sin ello, no puede haber verdadero consentimiento”.
No importa que la mayoría de las relaciones entre adultos no cumpla con este criterio de consentimiento. En cuanto a la afirmación de Wolf de que “los adolescentes maduran a distintas edades”, ¿quién debe determinar la edad adecuada para la actividad sexual en una especie en la que esta edad ha estado, durante el 99 por ciento de su existencia, muy por debajo de la supuesta “edad de consentimiento” de la actualidad? Bajo el inhumano status quo capitalista, se asume que es el estado. Para los comunistas, es el ABC el oponernos a la intervención del gobierno en la vida privada de la gente y defender a cualquier grupo que luche por aumentar la libertad en las relaciones sexuales. Esto es una expresión del ideal de la vanguardia leninista como tribuno del pueblo. La ISO y cía. bailan a un son diferente, acomodándose a los valores burgueses y a la cacería de brujas contra aquéllos cuyas proclividades sexuales se consideran verboten [prohibido, en alemán en el original].
En El origen de la familia, la propiedad privada y el estado (1884), Friedrich Engels rastreó el surgimiento simultáneo de la familia y el estado como medios que la clase propietaria usó para consolidar y reproducir su poder cuando emergió de la sociedad humana primitiva. La monogamia de la esposa era necesaria para asegurar la paternidad para la transmisión hereditaria de la propiedad. Actualmente, la familia sigue siendo la principal fuente de opresión de la mujer. A los niños, la familia debe imbuirles la sumisión y el respeto por la autoridad, lo que frecuentemente engendra frustración y violencia. Como escribimos en “Satan, the State and Anti-Sex Hysteria”: “Las proclividades sexuales de las especies gregarias de mamíferos, como la nuestra, claramente no encajan con la rígida monogamia heterosexual que constituye el fundamento ideológico de la institución de la familia, reforzada por la religión organizada”.
La mayor parte del terrible daño que se inflige a los jóvenes y las mujeres tiene lugar en el seno de la familia. Sin embargo, en esta sociedad capitalista, la familia suele ser lo único que le queda a uno. Son escasos los servicios alternativos que la sociedad provee para criar a los hijos o cuidar a los enfermos y a los ancianos.
El fanatismo antisexo y la perversa persecución estatal persistirán mientras imperen la propiedad privada y la producción por ganancias. El estado capitalista no puede ser reformado para que sirva a los intereses de los explotados y los oprimidos. Debe ser barrido y sobre sus ruinas debe erigirse un estado obrero basado en la expropiación de los medios de producción. Para erradicar la opresión de la mujer y de los homosexuales, se requiere construir una sociedad socialista donde las funciones de la familia sean colectivizadas —guarderías y cocinas comunales, atención médica gratuita y de calidad, etcétera— liberando a la mujer de la carga de la crianza de los niños y de la esclavitud doméstica. En cuanto a lo que una sociedad racional conservaría de las relaciones sexuales, y de las relaciones sociales en general, los marxistas compartimos la amplitud de la visión que expresó el fallecido Gore Vidal (a quien tanto echamos de menos) en su artículo “Pink Triangle and Yellow Star” (Triángulo rosa y estrella amarilla, The Nation, 14 de noviembre de 1981):
“Cualquiera que sea el arreglo al que llegue la sociedad del futuro, debe reconocerse que los niños que lo necesiten serán criados con bastante más cuidado que hoy, y que a los adultos que no deseen ser padres ni madres debe dejárseles en paz”.
submitted by ShaunaDorothy to Espartaco [link] [comments]

2015.08.09 05:17 giggawhat My life, with my NMother [Support,vent] [TW:self harm/suicide/emotional abuse]

Things were good between us in the beginning. She was a great stay-at-home-mom. She’d be super involved in our classes in school, she was at every field trip, bake sale, she was my girl scout counselor too. I don’t really have many negative memories of her when I was younger. I’ll get the occasional flashback, but for the most part, it was all good. It wasn't until I hit middle school that our relationship began the downward spiral. It seemed like... every single choice I made, she despised. Nothing I ever did met her standards. I fought for her approval for years. I was her scape goat, and my younger brother was her GC. Everything he did was perfect, and why couldn’t I be like him.
For years I continued to lower the bar for her... thinking she couldn't possibly make me lower it further. Some key points from Middle school- college :
*I got a C in the 6th grade, which resulted in me going to catholic school. That C was in math, a subject I continue to struggle with as an adult. She knew I struggled. I stayed after for extra help 3 days a week. The teacher gave me as much extra credit as possible in order for me to get that C. Catholic school was never discussed. Just one day, in the middle of the summer before going into the 7th grade, I was told we were going to buy school uniforms for my new school.
*When I was in the 9th grade, I felt suicidal. I told my best friend, who told her mom. Of course, her mom told mine. HELL ENSUES. She flips out, not because I'm sad and I want to kill myself. But because I embarrassed her, and now I have to go to see a therapist.
*I cut myself a lot deeper than I had meant to once. I went to her, with my arm bleeding. I told her I probably needed stitches and to go to the hospital. She didn't even bother to look, and told me to go to bed.
*I was back in therapy at 16, she lied to everyone telling them I was getting tutored. Not in math, which would have at least been a realistic lie... but in English, which was my best subject. I found this out because my next door neighbor's mom asked me how tutoring was going.
*I am the reason we aren't a perfect family. This is what she told me when I confronted her about lying about my therapy.
*In College, my boyfriend overdosed (he was sad… I was destroyed. I loved him in a way I have never loved anyone else). She told me he was a quitter because he didn't die.
*When I applied to transfer to one of the best early childhood/special education colleges, she told me she wouldn't co-sign my loans because "If I offed myself, she didn't want to get stuck with my debt". This was after EDad had already agreed to help by cosigning the loans (I had zero credit at that point, so I needed the cosigner). EDad wound up going behind her back and helping with that.
*When I was in college, I got heavy. I lost the weight and she wouldn't let go of the fat version of me, so when she'd make me clothes (she is a really good seamstress), they'd always be 2-3 sizes too big, despite taking my measurements. My personal favorite time was when she made my baby sister and I matching tube dresses. Mine had an extra 6 inches of fabric on it. My NMother requested I show it off, I walked out of the bathroom, and she asked me how it fit. All I did was lifted my arms, and the dress dropped to the floor.
*My boobs exploded in college (yay, birth control!) and she told me I was indecent, and continues to this day to make inappropriate comments about my chest.
She financially cut me off because I got a tattoo... in a place where it is not visible unless I'm in my underwear. (I totally got 15 more after that point, because fuck it. That was the last card she really had on me, so I was alright with letting her use it)
All of these things caused a major strain on our relationship, obviously. I live 2 hours away and would go down semi-frequently simply because I have a much younger sister who I love to death. I could handle sleeping over one night if I was able to get out of the house at night while I was there.
When I hit my mid-20's I met my exhusband and my NMother LOVED him. He was from Ireland, so in her eyes, he could do no wrong. When I was getting ready for the wedding, things were going decent for us. Mostly because my MIL was a bigger N than she was. We had our battles through the wedding process, I won on the issues I seriously put my foot down on (like wearing a fuschia cocktail dress as the Mother of the bride in the traditional wedding that she insisted on). My wedding was more of a reflection of her, than it was of me or my exhusband. It almost looked like we would have the Nother-daughter relationship I saw my friends have with their moms. The relationship I always wanted and never understood why we didn't have…
But, as you all now. N's are gonna N.
So my marriage fell apart very quickly. He kicked me out, I moved back to my college town that I had built a life previous to him in, and I was happy. She decided that I needed an intervention. Where the words that will never be forgotten were told to me; 'The purpose of life is not to be happy. It is to be married and have babies'
I went NC with my entire family, excluding my sister, for 8 months.
I went LC after month 8, keeping my distance, knowing full well that the issues we have had will never be discussed and actually dealt with. I saw my sister only once during that 8 months, and it sucked. LC was because of her. I really luck out that despite the huge age gap, she really understands me, and sees the insanity of our family dynamic.
I've maintained LC, it's been 4 years since my husband and I separated. My NNMother got to know the readers’ digest version of my life, and that was the extent of it. My EDad and I have gotten closer in the past few years. He was upset about the divorce at first, almost more so than my NMother (but for a different reason. He believed that marriage meant forever, and that divorce was unacceptable), but when he saw how much happier I was after I got back onto my feet; he knew I made the right choice for me. It seemed like we found a comfortable ground. All this blew up in my face this past March. You know that bar that I mentioned earlier. It's about an inch above the ground at this point. There's NO WAY she could make me lower it, right???
Obviously, she did. She kicked my EDad out of the house. She tells me this over Face Time. My sister and I have a weekly chat so we can keep up and NMother was on the call. Fuck. She's going on and on about how she's not happy over trivial crap that he did 20 some odd years ago that she never actually addressed... because why would she do that when she can just harbor it against him after 32 years of marriage, and 37 years being together... And I shit you not, RBN. She had the gall to look at me and tell me she's doing this because she's not happy. How she needs to be happy. That's right. The bitch is contradicting everything she had said to me. I kept a calm face for the TWO HOURS she is trying to justify kicking my EDad out of the house.
Now, some key notes about my EDad. Yes, he is a text-book enabler, but he is a good man. He worked very hard to let my NMother be a stay-at-home NMom. We never were left wanting and the man truly loves that woman, as well as all three of us (and most importantly, equally). It has always baffled us why he's stayed with her, and I'm personally convinced it's solely because of us kids (my brother and I are adults and my sister is nearly out of high school).
I call my NEDad after this horribly uncomfortable conversation is over with NMother so I can see how he's doing. We make plans to have dinner the next night, where I get the whole story. My EDad's been seeing a counselor on and off for the past few years because he's got anger issues. He doesn't have the best communication skills... he’s very to the point and soft spoken. His current counselor asked my NMother to meet with him so they could discuss my EDad. Counselor informs my NMother that there are some qualities about my EDad that she can't change and that she needs to live with, and OH!!! She needs to work on some of her own shit in order for them to be a happy couple.
AND THERE WE HAVE IT. The real reason she kicks him out! Heavens forbid she has to actually work on herself. There's no reason why she'd have to do that. She's perfect, after all. The problem obviously is solely my EDad. Not her. So he needs to go.
After about a week of this, she lets him back in the house. Her claim is that it's not financially smart for him to stay in a hotel every night. I try to get him to lawyer up, even if it's just to keep someone on retainer because obviously this will be happening again. He refuses to, and the enabling continues.
The past 5 months have been torture for me. I can't be honest with her about how I feel, because “my feelings aren't mine. I've clearly been brainwashed by my EDad” will be her immediate defense. He's also asked me not to tell her how I feel about all of this because he's trying to keep the peace for my little sister's sake. I've been as VLC with her as humanly possible. I refuse to reply to texts, phone calls etc. I will call my EDad and ask her what she wants typically. My EDad’s taken over my brother’s room and he’s in counseling and she refuses to go, until he “fixes” all the things she wants fixed about him. Her newest horrid behavior is that she has convinced herself that my EDad has Aspergers because he has poor communication skills. My EDad does not have Aspergers. He has poor communication skills. He has poor communication skills with my NMother, primarily. She has sent him to NINE different doctors to try to get them to diagnose him. So far 9 haven’t, but don’t worry(!) he’s got several more appointments lined up. I went to school for early childhood special education. I know what the signs of Asperger’s are. I have told him this, but he won’t hear it. It’s exhausting to keep up the charade. Or, at least it was. I recently found out that she’s been lying to the extended family about the situation and making the appearance that they’re still happily together. That was the last straw. It’s bad enough that she refuses to acknowledge her own roll in her unhappiness, and to seek a counselor for herself, but to fucking lie about it… it shows that she knows what she’s doing is fucked up, and she doesn’t want to face it.
So I called my EDad, and I told him that I can’t go down there to visit anymore. How, I can’t watch her be mean to him, and I can’t watch him take it anymore. He tried pulling the “well, you know you only have one Mother” card. I immediately shut him down. This is happening because he won’t let me be honest with her. If I didn’t have to hold my tongue about how I feel, we might be able to actually talk about the situation and resolve it. But until then, I’m done. I gave myself a wicked case of TMJ from clenching my jaw so hard around her as I realized our extended family had no clue as to the current state of my family.
I plan on maintaining contact with my EDad and sister. I’m a little sad that my relationship with my NMother has come to this, but it’s the part of me that still wishes I had an awesome Mom who loved me, instead of the woman who raised me who has never liked the woman I’ve become.
submitted by giggawhat to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

2015.08.02 10:40 benyqpid [Rant/Vent/Support] Realizing that I have an NMom and I was the Golden Child: A Memoir, basically.

This is long. I just need to get it out in the world and I'm figuring this all out as I type. I think. Idk what to do about all this or how to feel. I feel kind of helpless. Anyway, here we go. I feel like I'm about to write a memoir or something, haha.
TLDR; I think my mom is a Narc. I was the GC and now the not-so-golden-anymore defender of my SG sister. How can I support her while I live 1200 miles away?
So for some background information, my family consists of an NMom (at least I suspect this?), an EDad, my SG older sister, and the GC me. It's not as cut and dry as many of the stories that I've read here today. I have gotten a smaller share of my Nmom's behaviours, but nothing close to my sister.
For the most part, like more than half of the time, things are OK. I like my parents usually and my sister does, too. We've had some good memories and we get along well. But when it's bad, I absolutely hate it. My Nmom has these fits of rage where she picks fights with anyone and then plays the victim card. "You're so ungrateful, after everything we do for you how could you [do something that is like not a big deal at all]." Then, after making you cry or storm out of the house, she pouts and talks aloud to herself about how horrible everyone is to her. Until it's just so damn annoying you apologize to make it stop. However, she will admit to somethings being her fault. This is good! Except then she completely covers any admission of "maybe I was overreacting" in excuses. "I'm not feeling well," "you know I'm pmsing," or "you were talking to me with an unpleasant attitude."
My EDad is honestly a great guy. I truly love this man but he sometimes seems so spineless that I can't help but resent him. I can't tell you how many times I or [mostly] my sister went to him crying asking him to make her stop. But he is so against arguing with her he just goes "you know how she is, she'll stop soon." Like just completely rolls over and submits to her.
I think a lot of this behaviour coming from my mom stems from how she "didn't raise us to be this way." Ok, well clearly she did or we wouldn't end up here in the first. I think she had some weird life for her kids completely planned out and the second either of us started deviating from that she freaked out. She's a worrier by nature and needs to micromanage her life (and everyone else's around her). I have been pretty 'good' at staying on her path, mostly because I am pretty content being a stereotypical cis-hetero woman and I am largely interested in all things girly girl (not exclusively, but I was a Barbie and Easy Bake Oven kid). I stayed in Girl Scouts until I was 18 because my mom convince me to, I wanted to do extra-curricular activities like acting, art, and horseback riding. I got good grades and I had lots of friends. I was the GC by default and, to be completely honest, I feel kind of guilty about it and I am very resentful towards my Mom for making my sister hate me for it for so long.
My sister and I did not have a good relationship because she had deviated from my Nmom's predetermined destiny early on when she dropped out of the Girl Scouts in grade 3. My sister did not get along with the other girls and she was very introverted. She was more interested in dog training and... idk what else she liked because our parents never encouraged her to get out and try things. She struggled in Math and instead found literature and poetry (our mom came from a family of doctors and scientists, she loves reading but doesn't value it as highly). My sister came out to me, and then my mom, as being bisexual when she was 13. Our mom basically brushed it off as a phase. But I think this is really where the conflict began, despite my mom believing that she is very open-minded and all for gay rights. It was around this time that I discovered my sister was smoking weed and doing some self-harm. I would get in trouble for things that normal kids got in trouble for (with a much more dramatic lecture and unjustified punishment than what I would consider 'normal') but she would get yelled at for the stupidest things like "there are streaks on the mirrors" and that argument would evolve into all sorts of things that my mom hated about my sister in one of her fits of rage.
As we grew older, we began laughing some of this off. We got our driver's licenses and bonded over "mom's being dumb again, let's go to Starbucks/the mall/sushi." I remember one time my sister dropped me off and I stayed with a friend for 4 days and my mom was hysterical. She sent me funny texts of what ridiculous things my mom was saying while I was gone. Our relationship improved a lot when we developed a better sense of self and what should be 'normal' and how our 'fights with mom' were definitely not normal. My sister created this mask for herself that she's tough and whatever, but out of the two of us I clearly don't put up with any bullshit while she tries to avoid conflict. I gradually took on the role of "defender" whenever these issues would occur and my GC status greatly decreased. I got lots of shit for not wanting to go to a 4-year university right away, but they accepted the community college route after I explained it was financially much better and that I would end up with a better degree from a better school in the end (I did, go me!). Eventually, I decided I wanted more out of life and I moved like 1200 miles north to another country altogether while my sister still lives at home. They have threatened me several times over money, the most severe being about 2 weeks before my move when they (actually, just NMom) said they "weren't going to pay for anything because we want a second home so good luck living on your own." Which was eventually taken back when they realized that I was still going to leave and just take on a bunch of loans and whatever.
Leaving was liberating, but coming back for visits was dreadful. I can handle it in small doses, it's actually quite pleasant most of the time. Until I "overstay my welcome" and "don't do my chores" (because I still have chores as an adult who lives in another city?) or if I "don't spend enough time with [my] mother, how ungrateful." So I usually don't stay longer than 5 days, maybe a week if there's some sort of distraction. I'm on very LC with them just by nature of living far away. We text maybe every few days and I skype her once a month (used to be once a week but I have slowly been decreasing this because she just asks the same questions over and over).
So this past week my parents went on an Alaskan cruise with their friends and their port of exit was my place of residence. They visited with me for a day and a half and it was OK. Mostly dealing with my mom being annoying and worrying and making every joke about her into a big deal. My wonderful partner told me that he "didn't know how anxious/crazy my mom really was" since he had only seen her in her natural habitat when we visited them.
Then my sister texted me "mom called me at 4 am to yell at me and call me a liar." Apparently my mom expected my sister to take an entire week off of work to watch her precious little dogs. Like I said, my sister already lives at home. But apparently her dogs require constant attention that one cannot work because it will distress them too much to be alone. She actually believes this and I am not exaggerating. Well, life doesn't work that way and my sister did not end up getting the whole requested time off and instead had to work for 3 days of the week the horror. And she told my parents this before they left. Well my mom caught a cold (poor bb) and was feeling aggro (so justified, right) and remembered that my sister previously took a week off to go visit her girlfriend who recently moved away. CLEARLY THIS IS RELATED AND MY SISTER PLANNED THIS TO SPITE MY MOTHER. GUYS DON'T YOU SEE. MY SISTER BETRAYED MY MOM BY VISITING HER GIRLFRIEND A MONTH AGO. /s. Like actually, who does that.
My sister thought some sort of emergency happened when she got the phone call only to find out it was just my mom having a weird rage moment while she was on vacation. Then NMom used my Edad as a pawn (as she often does) and said "your dad will be very heartbroken to hear how you betrayed your parents" when my dad doesn't care at all. He thinks she's crazy with the dogs and is very cognizant of how she overreacts. But I don't believe this is about the dogs. I think this is because my sister ended a 5 year relationship with a guy and started dating this girl (for 3 years now!) instead of having a hetero marriage and popping out grandkids (my sister doesn't want kids anyway.. ). Deviating from the oh-so-important plan. Right before their trip she casually mentioned to my sister that she hoped she would end up with a man and that she didn't turn out how she hoped she would. Yeah, that's casual conversation. She also made fun of my sister for seeking out therapy because "clearly you need it with the way you behave."
Anyway this resulted in my mom trying to get me on her side, didn't work. I ended up texting her a lecture about how she's acting inappropriately (moving away helped me find the courage to call her out more) and that I didn't care if my sister lied because even if she did, my mom was still overreacting and it's ridiculous to expect someone to use their vacation time so that you can take a vacation (since they obviously weren't going to pay her for the like 32+ hours she was missing out on). She kept trying to play the victim and I kept telling her that she wasn't the victim and she's making excuses for acting this way. My dad also texted me saying that I "hurt mom's feelings" and I told him he needs to sit her down and talk with her. I basically asked him to grow a pair instead of siding with her by default when he knows how crazy he is. His response was "can you text her that please, she won't let me disagree with her on anything." NO. YOU TALK ABOUT IT WHEN YOU GET HOME. PREFERABLY IN THERAPY. I ended the conversation by telling both of them that they need to calm down before they say something they'll regret because it's difficult to make amends with someone over a thousand miles away. She goes "same to you. have fun in your perfect little world." Like, sorry, I have a better life now? I am clearly the worst.
I guess I just don't know what to do. My sister knows she should leave this toxic environment but I think she's also scared. I know that if she leaves she may wind up alienated from them and I don't think she wants to go completely NC, ever or at least not with our Dad and the rest of our family. How do I support my sister while being so far away? I told her I was proud of her for seeking therapy, but what else can I do aside from offering words of encouragement?? Is my mom even a narcissist or something different entirely? I am tempted to call her a "part-time Narc" or something.
TLDR; I think my mom is a Narc. I was the GC and now the not-so-golden-anymore defender of my SG sister. How can I support her while I live 1200 miles away?
submitted by benyqpid to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]

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